Thursday, 7 July 2016

Key To Announce New Name for Housing 'Crisis'

John Key and his cabinet to discuss the new name for the "housing crisis"

The Prime Minister has arranged an impromptu cabinet meeting to create an "official name" for New Zealand's housing crisis, which is also known as the "housing challenge" or the "housing boom".

The decision came from John Key's dissatisfaction with the label 'Housing Crisis', calling the name 'inaccurate - a crisis, you know, is generally something you experience when you reach your midlife. I see people in their midlife, myself included, we all seem to be doing okay,' the Prime Minister stated before closing the meeting room door to the media.

Two hours into the meeting, Junior Whip and Spokesman Tim MacIndoe emerged to address the media:

'Yeah look, we want a name that grabs people's attention, but also one that is uniquely New Zealand,' MacIndoe stated, 'We want something that will draw in keen eyes to say "look, we're open for business", but at the same time it has to be thoughtful and acknowledge the seriousness of the issue. So you've got those dual competing elements to find a great name and that's what we're look towards achieving.'

McIndoe also provided a complete list of the names being considered (in order of preference):

  • The Housing Challenge
  • The Housing Boom
  • The Housing Non-Issue
  • The Housing Overreaction
  • The Housing Dilemma
  • The Housing Question
  • The Housing Arousing
  • The Housing Debacle
  • The Housing Thing
  • Resident's Evil
  • The Haunting of Hill Housing
  • Te Whare Raruraru
  • Hao Zedong
  • The How Sing Cries Is
  • The Housing Crisis

'Yeah look,' continued MacIndoe, 'What we really want is to use this as an opportunity to promote the New Zealand brand. If there is an issue related to housing - which I'm not asserting or denying, we really want to make it look appealing as possible to the world. You know, we really think that if we stuck with "Housing Crisis" well, look, that just wouldn't look good for New Zealand on the world scale. We can't, you know, let this confusion detract from promoting continued foreign speculation. The last thing we need in the middle of this crisis is to lose out on the foreign investment central to our economy.'

MacIndoe later returned to formally retract his usage of the word "crisis".

1 comment:

  1. it's called "NZ's HOUSING CRISIS', with at least 42,000 homeless.